I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize