I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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