My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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