Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
The best revenge is premature balding
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize