You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
