It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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