Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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