hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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