The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
it's like heaven, but drunker
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
