Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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