i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
