Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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