Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
