PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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