Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
