Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
and eventually we just all took our pants off
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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