Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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