No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
