so explain again why im purple
no
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
