What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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