So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Randomize
