Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize