omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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