you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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