i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
im holly from the hills drunk
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize