Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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