Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
