She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
