Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
