you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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