I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
