there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Bring me that man meat
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
