I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize