Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
