mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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