so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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