We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
