She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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