Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
