is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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