She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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