there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
me + whiskey = a bad person
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
