YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
