what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Someone came in the potted fern
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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