alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
