The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
God I need to hump something, right now.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
