Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
