Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Bring me that man meat
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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