They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
