I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
May the power of my ass compel you!!
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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