Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
