The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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