My girlfriend figured out who you are.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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