In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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