I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
whose parrot is this?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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