Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
