Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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