i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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