I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Randomize
