I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
