Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
