I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
