there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
