we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Randomize
