A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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