Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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