Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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