I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
