Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
