I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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