Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
