You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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