just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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