i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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