Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
