i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
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