upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
She bit a glass in half.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He? As in you personified your dick?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Randomize
