I like to think it a success when the cops are called
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I love how my cats smell like pot.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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