Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
