I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
