There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
being pregnant is like rehab
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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