12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Randomize
