remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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