Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
