So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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