On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
