i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Randomize